Chasing confidence down the rabbit hole.

An AI image of a rabbit called Confidence inspired by Alice in Wonderland

Confidence is never a constant companion. It’s like a magical rabbit that appears occasionally and then vanishes, leaving behind the smell of rainbows. Confidence is hard and no one can do it for you.

Self-help or imaginary rabbits?

I was the type of person to read every self-help guru out there. In my fixation I have been down more rabbit holes than I care to admit. Positive affirmations are cute. But they will not change your monthly income. Doing something about it will though.

When I started The Pavement Special, I didn’t put my name up. I didn’t post photos. I had no confidence in what I was doing; because I had no idea where it was going.

I was extremely fed up of thinking about all these ideas that I couldn’t fund. I was sick of thinking that I can only start something when…when I have the money, when I have the right job.

I’m still waiting for those things, if I had continued to wait, there would be no Mongrel anything.

Confidence isn’t always flowing

I am not sitting here the other side of a bank balance that affords me this opportunity, dictating to you. Quite the contrary, I’m sitting here fighting for it. I work 7 days a week.

My husband always says, “You need to chill, you never chill”.

Despite having tons of ideas and projects upcoming and a to do list longer than Hercules-Corona Borealis Great Wall; I still sit here staring at a blank page for two hours and wonder what the hell I am doing.

If I am doing it right, if I said it right, should I have done that instead, turquoise or amethyst? Confidence isn’t always flowing, and I literally can’t afford for it not to.

That clock doesn’t slow down for anyone, not even a magic rabbit.

When you realise you put your laptop-stand upside down.

My husband might not be wrong.

Case in point; I spent the past few months using my laptop stand upside down. Don’t ask, but yup.  You know that feeling when you realise you are an idiot? 

Rainbow coloured rabbit droppings

While the magical rabbit Confidence is not a mainstay feature. It’s crucial to learn off that rabbit and be your own cheerleader. No one is going to tell you that you are magical, and if they do, well, lucky you. (Now I’m thinking of Aurora, the singer not the borealis, lol)

So, I guess I’m hunting rabbits.

Metaphorically speaking. That’s the only rabbit hole worth playing in. Confidence isn’t “I think my cap is the best in the world”; it’s working to design the best cap in the world. I might not do it, but maybe, that bloody rabbit pops up while I’m working on it.

Chase the work. The rabbit shows up when it wants.